All my life, I have always thought of myself as some sort of introvert: a hermit, a recluse, a solitary. I love my solitude. Being alone is one of my favorite feelings. Doesn’t that sound like an introverted trait? Yet to my astonishment, upon looking up the definition of introvert, I found that it doesn’t define me at all.
Here’s how it’s defined:
Introvert – noun
- A shy person
So basically, to me, an introvert is (a) someone who is so diffident as to be uncomfortable around people, or (b) so inner-focused as to be selfish. Some synonyms for “introvert” included bashful, reserved, timid, & unassured. Furthermore, other synonyms included conceited, vain, narcissistic, & self-centered.
Quite different from one who likes solitude.
So after this disappointment, I became determined to find a word to describe myself. I saw the noun solitary next, & thought that might do the trick. Here’s its definition:
Solitary – noun
So here we’re getting closer – a solitary is one who avoids people. Yet look closely & you’ll see that that’s not correct, either. The definition never said a solitary enjoys solitude at all. Maybe it’s implied, but look at its synonyms: lonely, isolated, secluded, & forsaken. Here are others: cold, detached, forbidding, & remote. So for sure solitary isn’t the right word for me. It implies that a person is reclusive & friendless, & on top of that, unapproachable. A solitary is even worse than an introvert.
So, what word does describe me correctly? A hermit? Recluse? Vagabond??
There is such a word as an isolate, a person&
Well, don’t worry, there is a word out there. I’m not about to end this post with, “Hey, you know that word I’m trying to find? Well, it doesn’t exist.”
No, I wouldn’t do that. I’ll just give you the word & end your torture.
It’s “loner”. Yes, your first reaction to it will probably be the same as mine. Loner sounds so simple &, well, so cowboy-ish or something. But it’s the only word I’ve found that actually matches my definition. So here it is:
Loner – noun
At last, at last, I have my word. I’m a loner. Finding this word really made my day.
& using the energy I feel because I discovered the word, I’ll expand the definition a bit. Being a loner doesn’t just mean that you avoid the company of others. It means that, to you, the losses of interacting with people outweigh the gains. I myself have long since decided that if ever I suddenly became a millionaire, I should spend my money in buying an abandoned shack in a huge forest, & there I should stay until I died. To put it a little more candidly: people exhaust me. Really. If I talk to more than two strangers a day, I begin to yearn for cozy pants, coffee, crocheting, & Chopin. If I spend an entire day around someone unfamiliar to me, I make up for it by proclaiming the next day to be a Saturday, no matter what it actually is. & that whole day, I stay firmly at home. I shuffle around in baggy pants, food in hand, & stare out windows daydreaming.
Just writing about such a day makes me want to declare one right now. & why not? Writing such a victorious post is awfully fatiguing. I shall declare today a Saturday, which naturally means that tomorrow will be a Sunday, which means all I’ll do tomorrow is sit around & play music.