All my life, I have always thought of myself as some sort of introvert: a hermit, a recluse, a solitary. I love my solitude. Being alone is one of my favorite feelings. Doesn’t that sound like an introverted trait? Yet to my astonishment, upon looking up the definition of introvert, I found that it doesn’t define me at all.

Here’s how it’s defined:

Introvert – noun

  1. A shy person
  2. Psychology. A person characterized by concern primarily with his or her own thoughts feelings

So basically, to me, an introvert is (a) someone who is so diffident as to be uncomfortable around people, or (b) so inner-focused as to be selfish. Some synonyms for “introvert” included bashfulreservedtimid, & unassured. Furthermore, other synonyms included conceitedvainnarcissistic, & self-centered.

Quite different from one who likes solitude.

So after this disappointment, I became determined to find a word to describe myself. I saw the noun solitary next, & thought that might do the trick. Here’s its definition:

Solitary – noun

  1. person who lives alone or in solitude, or avoids the society of others. 

So here we’re getting closer – a solitary is one who avoids people. Yet look closely & you’ll see that that’s not correct, either. The definition never said a solitary enjoys solitude at all. Maybe it’s implied, but look at its synonyms: lonely, isolated, secluded, & forsaken. Here are others: colddetachedforbidding, & remote. So for sure solitary isn’t the right word for me. It implies that a person is reclusive & friendless, & on top of that, unapproachable. A solitary is even worse than an introvert.

So, what word does describe me correctly? A hermit? Recluse? Vagabond??

There is such a word as an isolate, a person lacking in social skills who avoids the company of others & has no friends. But that’s like a combination of introvert & solitary. 

Well, don’t worry, there is a word out there. I’m not about to end this post with, “Hey, you know that word I’m trying to find? Well, it doesn’t exist.”

No, I wouldn’t do that. I’ll just give you the word & end your torture.

It’s “loner”. Yes, your first reaction to it will probably be the same as mine. Loner sounds so simple &, well, so cowboy-ish or something. But it’s the only word I’ve found that actually matches my definition. So here it is:

Loner – noun

  1. a person who is or prefers to be alone, especially one who avoids the company of others

At last, at last, I have my word. I’m a loner. Finding this word really made my day.

& using the energy I feel because I discovered the word, I’ll expand the definition a bit. Being a loner doesn’t just mean that you avoid the company of others. It means that, to you, the losses of interacting with people outweigh the gains. I myself have long since decided that if ever I suddenly became a millionaire, I should spend my money in buying an abandoned shack in a huge forest, & there I should stay until I died. To put it a little more candidly: people exhaust me. Really. If I talk to more than two strangers a day, I begin to yearn for cozy pants, coffee, crocheting, & Chopin. If I spend an entire day around someone unfamiliar to me, I make up for it by proclaiming the next day to be a Saturday, no matter what it actually is. & that whole day, I stay firmly at home. I shuffle around in baggy pants, food in hand, & stare out windows daydreaming.

Just writing about such a day makes me want to declare one right now. & why not? Writing such a victorious post is awfully fatiguing. I shall declare today a Saturday, which naturally means that tomorrow will be a Sunday, which means all I’ll do tomorrow is sit around & play music.


~ ninniforlife